some inspirational quotes with jokes with maza

Inspirational SMS Diary - A painter draws a painting door of heart without handle. Man: why there is no handle? Painter: its because door of heart opens from inside not from outside.

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बिवी : सुनिये, मुझे आपका मोबाईल फोन देना जरा...!

पती : देता हूं... रूको जानेमन..!!

पती जल्दी जल्दी मे मोबाईल फोन मे .....

Delete video...
Delete picture...
Delete music...
Delete private folder...
Delete number...
Delete sms...
Delete outgoing calls...
Delete incoming calls...
Delete mms...
Delete what's app...
Delete bbm...
Delete...
Delete...
Delete...
Delete...
Delete...
Delete...
FORMAT Memory Card....!!!

अच्छा ये तो बताओ, करोगी क्या तूम ..?

बिवी : मै टाईम देख़ना चाहती हूं कितना बजा है अभी..!

पती : टाईम ..!!! 
पूछ भी तो सकती थी... गंवार औरत ..!!


😆😆😆

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Husband ko market jaate huye
Wife ne paise dekar kaha: Kuch aisi cheez laana jis se main aapko SUNDAR dikhu.(👓👛)

Husband khud k liye Whisky ki 2 Bottle le aaya..😇

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A father was reading his favourite magazine and his
little daughter every now and then distracted him. Trying to keep her daughter busy, he tore out one page on which was printed the map of the world. He then tore the page into pieces and asked her to go to her room and put them together to make the map
again.
Having done this, the father was now convinced he would read his magazine without any disturbance and also that it would take her daughter the whole day to get it done. But the little one came back within two minutes with the perfect map…………
?
?
?
?
?
?
The curious and confused father asked her daughter how she could do it so quickly??
She giggled and said,
"Oh…Dad, there is Amitabh Bacchan's face on the other side of the paper, I made His face perfect to get the map right."
Satisfied with the answer, she ran outside to play leaving the father surprised...😇
Moral of the story:
In life there is always the other side to whatever you
experience. Whenever we come across a challenge or
puzzling situation, look at the other side, you will be surprised to see an easy way to tackle the problem..
Enjoy. Tk it easy

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घरेलु टोटके

1. अगर आपको कुत्ता काट ले तो आप उसे काट लें, हिसाब
बराबर....

2. दूध फट जाए तो सफ़ेद धागे से सील लें,
किसी को पता नहीं चलेगा ....

3. अगर आप के बाल गिरते हों तो मुंडन करवा लें, फिर
नहीं गिरेंगे.....

4. अगर रंग गोरा करना हो तो, मछली खा कर दूध पी लें,
सफ़ेद हो जाओगे....

5. अगर गले में दर्द हो तो किसी से गला दबवा लें, फिर
कभी दर्द नहीं होगा....

6. अगर आप के पांवों की एड़ियां फट जाएँ और कोई क्रीम
असर न करे तो फेवीक्वीक का इस्तेमाल करें कमाल का जोर
है....

7. अगर आप के हाथ मैं बहुत दर्द है तो एक मज़बूत हथौड़ा लें
और ज़ोर से पाँव पे मारें, यक़ीन करें आप हाथ का दर्द भूल
जायेंगे ....

8. अगर आप के दांत में कीड़ा लग जाए तो एक दो हफ्ते तक
कुछ खाएं पीयें नहीं, कीड़ा अंदर ही भूखा मर जाएगा ...

9. अगर आप को रात मैं नींद नहीं आती तो दिन मैं
सो जाएँ ....

टोटकों से फायदा हो तो....
दुआओं में याद रखना ....
वर्ना खुश तो मैं वैसे भी हूँ।

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संता: बता खुद पर सबसे ज्यादा गर्व कब होता है?
बंता - जब परीक्षा हॉल में कुछ आता न हो, और पीछे से टीचर आकर कहे, कॉपी छुपा लो, पीछे वाला देख रहा है.
कसम से सीना चौड़ा हो जाता है।

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A little story of a C.A.'s wife.

There was a C.A., who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife...
'When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to
promise him, with all of her heart.
He died soon.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there,dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket.

The obdient wife said,
'Wait just a moment!' She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
Then her friend said, 'Girl, I know you were not
foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied,
'Listen, I'm a wife; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'
I sure did,' said the loyal
wife. 'I got all the money together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque.... I put the cheque in the casket.Now it is upto him to encash the
cheque.'
"If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Wife kiski thi
C.A. ki

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Punjab me 1Train🚊 k niche 100 👳Sardar
aa gaye!

99 Mar gaye...

1 Bach gaya

Reporter ne Usse Puchha : "Ye Sab Kaise huaa.?"

Sardar👳 bola- "Galat Announcement🔊 ki vajah se,
Announcement🔊 huva tha ke Shatabdi🚉 Express Platform par aa rahi hai!"
To Sab Ghabra k Platform se Utarkar Patri par Aa gaye!
Par Train Platform🚇 par nahi,
Patari par Aayi...

Reporter : Aur Aap Samajhdar Nikle Jo Patri par nahi utre!

Sardar 👳: Ji nahi,
Mai to Suicide karne Aaya tha, Announcement🔊 Sunkar mai Patri se Hatkar Platform Pe Let gaya tha".
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Jaldi forward karo..Ye market me naya hai..😜😝

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 DATE WITH A WOMAN…!

Read on..you will be touched too..!

After 21 years of Marriage, my Wife wanted me to take another Woman
out to Dinner and a Movie.

She said I Love You but I know this other Woman loves you too and would Love
to spend some Time with You.

The other Woman that my Wife wanted me to take out was my MOTHER who has been a Widow for 19 years,
but the demands of my Work and my three Children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to Invite her to go out for Dinner and a Movie.

'What's wrong, are you well,' she asked?

My Mother is the type of Woman who suspects that a Late Night Call or a Surprise Invitation is a sign of Bad News.

'I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,'
I responded. 'Just the two of us'

She thought about it for a moment, and then said,
'I would like that very much.'

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit Nervous.
When I arrived at her House, I noticed that she too seemed to be Nervous about our Date.

She waited in the Door with her Shawl on.

She had set her Hair and was wearing the Dress that she had worn to Celebrate her last Wedding Anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as Radiant as an Angel's.

'I told my Friends that I was going to go out with My Son, and they were impressed, '
She said, as she got into the Car.

'They can't wait to hear about our meeting'.

We went to a Restaurant that, although not Elegant, was very Nice and Cozy.

My Mother took my Arm as if She were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the Menu. Large Print.
Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting
there staring at me.
A Nostalgic Smile was on her Lips.

'It was I who used to have to Read the Menu when you were young,'

She said.

'Then it's Time that you Relax and let me Return the Favor,'

I responded.

During the Dinner, we had an Agreeable Conversation, nothing
Extra-ordinary, but catching up on recent Events of each others Life.

We talked so much that we missed the Movie.

As we arrived at her House later,

She said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.'

I agreed.

'How was your Dinner Date?' asked My Wife when I got Home.

'Very Nice. Much more so than I could have Imagined,' I answered.

A few days later, my Mother died of a Massive Heart Attack.

It happened so suddenly that I didn't have Time to do anything for her.
Some time later, I received an Envelope with a Copy of a Restaurant Receipt
From the same place Mother and I had dined.

An Attached Note Said:

'I paid this Bill in Advance.

I wasn't sure that I could be there;

But nevertheless, I paid for Two Plates
One for You and the Other for Your Wife.

You will never know what that night meant to Me.

I Love You, My Son.'

At that moment, I understood the Importance of saying in Time:
'I LOVE YOU!'

and to give our Loved Ones the Time that they Deserve.

Nothing in Life is more important than God, your Family and friends.

Give them the Time they Deserve, because these Things cannot be
Put Off till 'Some Other Time.'

Pass This msg on ..
To A Child,
To An Adult,
To A Parent,
To a Friend
To your Mate or
Someone You care for 

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Humans get rich as they grow old; SILVER in hair, GOLD in teeth, SUGAR in blood, PRECIOUS STONES in kidney, AND A never ending supply of gas --- 