Khaahe ko ye joka banaya re baba

Women won't play football not because they are not good at it;
But because it's against their ego to be dressed up exactly like 10 other women in front of 10,000 people!



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अगर आप पत्नी और
कामवाली बाई के बीच के
वार्तालाप पर गौर करें
तो काफी सारे "वन-लाइनर्स"
ऐसे होते हैं मानो एक
प्रेमिका अपने प्रेमी से बात कर रही हो....
.
सुनो.....कल टाइम से आ
जाना हाँ.....
.
कल दो बार आ जाना ना...... .
देखो मैं इंतज़ार करूंगी.....धोखा
मत दे देना ऐन टाइम पे....
.
मैं कब से तुम्हारा इंतज़ार कर
रही थी....आज बहुत देर कर दी.... . .
कल थोड़ा जल्दी आना ना.....
.
.
और सबसे क्लासिक......
. ""देखो जब
भी छोड़ना हो तो पहले से
बता देना,एकदम से मत
छोड़ना ताकि मैं दूसरा इंतजाम
कर सकूं....""



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 Wife- suno na

Husband- Listen, i am very tensed,
office me bahut problems chal rahe hai, kal loan bharne ka bhi last day hai....
isi liye Baat karne ka bhi mood nahi hai,
sir bhi dard se phata ja raha hai,
Subah se maine kuch bhi nahi khaya hai..

Wife- hmmm !!! Acha abhi wo sab chhodo, ye dekho, Meri new chappal ...



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 😎Pintu:- daadi neend nahi aa rahi . TV dekh lun?
😁daadi:- mujhse baat kar le.

😒 pintu:- daadi kya hum hamesha 6 hi rahenge?
😒 Aap,mom,dad,Didi,main aur meri billi..

daadi:- nahi beta aapke liye kal doggy b aa rha h toh 7 ho jayenge.
🎺🎷🎉🎈🎁pintu:- par doggy toh billi ko kha jayega toh fir 6 ho jayenge
😊daadi:- nahi beta aapki shaadi ho jayegi toh 7 ho jayenge.
🎺🎷🎉🎈🎁pintu:- fir behen chali jayegi shaadi karke toh fir 6 ho jayenge.

😢daadi:- beta fir aapka beta ho jayega toh 7 ho jayenge.
💏pintu:- tab tak aap mar jaaogi toh hum wapas se 6 ho jayenge.
👻daadi:-.....ja beta TV dekh 😖😖😖😖



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 Ganpati Special******
Shiv ji-Sunti hoooo....Mera Trishool kaha gya?
Mata Parvati - Aapke Suputra lekr gye h...
Shiv ji- Par kyo???
Mata Parvati- Kisi ne Prasaad me Maggie Rakhi thi...... 😊😜



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Husband's Message (by cellphone):

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:

Who is Tina?



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 😂
Ye JOKE Padhoge To Haste-Haste Gir Jaoge..:-)
.
.

.

.

Sita ji k vanvaas🌱 jane mein bahut badi seekh 💥💫hai.

Ghar me 3-3 saas😈😤 ho to jungle hi theek hai .

---------------

Arz hai-roz roz weight napkar kya karna hai,
ek din to sabne marna hai,
char din ki hai zindagi,
kha lo jee bhar ke,
agle janam to phir 3 kilo se hi start karna hai..

----------------------
BoY : Ro kyu rhi ho..??

GaL : 😩 Mere Marks bahot kam aaye hai...

BoY : Bata kitne aaye hai..??

GaL : 😫Sirf 88% ..

Boy :  Khuda ka Khauf kr ..
Itne mein to 2 Ladke Pass ho jate hai...!!
===================
Straight Insult :

HUSBAND: Ye kaisa khana bnaya h tumne, bilkul gobar jaisa......?

WIFE : Hey bhagwan is aadmi ne to har cheez chakh rakhi hai...😀
====================
Classic insult..
.
.
Girl:"meri 1-1 saans pe 1-1 ladka
marta hai..
Boy:"to tum koi accha sa toothpaste
istimaal kyo nahi karti..??..

-------------------
Sabziwala Sabzi Par Paani  Chhidak Raha Tha, kaafi Der ho Gayi .
Customer gusse mein  bola:
Bhaisahab Agar Bhindi ko Hosh Aa Gaya ho to Ek kilo de do.....
..
This is a killer......
New Born Baby Slowly Opens It's Tiny Eyes and Asks Nurse : Why No Lights ?

NURSE : Power Cut !

BABY : Ohhh tari...
Phir se India mein paida ho gaya 😆
Railway TC: Baba kaha jaoge?
Sadhu : Jaha Ram ka janam hua tha.
TC: Ticket he ?
Sadhu : Nahi he
TC: To chalo..
Sadhu : Kahan?
TC: Jaha Krishna ka janam Tha



Bhagwan Aur Doctor Ko Kabhi Naraaz Mat Karna.
kyu ki Bhagwan Naraaz To Aap Doctor Ke Paas.
Aur Doctor Naraaz To Aap Bhagwan Ke Paas.
Sab Setting Hai...
😀
The 4 dangerous weapons in the world:
1. Wife's Smile
2. Wife's Tears
3. Wife's Looks
And the 4th most dangerous is Wife's Missed Call!

😆😆😆

1 bacha mummy se Buri tarah pitne k baad papa se: Aap kabhi NARAK gaye ho...?
Papa: Nai beta
Boy: fir itni khofnaak cHeeZ laye kahan se...!!

😆😆😆😆

Santa ke Ghar NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU ki Tasvir Lagi huvi Thi...
Banta: Ye Kyon Laga Rakhi He..?
Santa: LAUGHING BUDDHA Lene Gaya Tha...Dukandar ne Kaha Ye LATEST Hai.... 

😛😅

Son : papa kal school main ek small get together hai..chaloge???
Father : small get together kya hota hai??
Son : only you me and principal...

========================

=========================

------------------------------------------

========================

 जिस तरह सारा वन केवल एक ही पुष्प एवं सुगंध भरे वृक्ष से महक जाता है उसी तरह एक गुणवान एडमिन पुरे ग्रुप का नाम बढाता है..
आप भी अपने एडमिन पर गर्व कर सकते है. 😎



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A must read

Office Mahabharata
======================

Dronacharya – The Mentor. The employee who doesn't like working himself but is always ready to guide and train new joiners.

Bhishma – The Loyal. The employee in a relatively senior position who happily assists the boss in spite of knowing his incompetence (because of some strange oath maybe)

Dhritarashtra – The blind boss. He knows that everything is wrong with his project but will still let it function, without making any changes to the current processes

Gandhari – The Yesmen/Women. Boss's immediate juniors who know that they are a part of an evil plan but will stay blindfolded and pretend as if nothing is happening

Yuddhisthira – The ethical guy. Poor chap would never fudge timesheets and call in sick only when he is dying

Bheema – The angry resource. Always ready to pick up a fight with his peers, subordinates or even the bosses

Arjuna – The cool dude. The star performer who also knows how to sell his skills. A natural charmer, very famous among the ladies

Nakul & Sahdev – The good average resource. No one notices them. They keep doing their work and get average appraisals

Duryodhana – The Bully. Knows how to get work done, by hook or by crook. Doesn't mind threatening the likes of Nakul and Sahdev to get his work done.

Karna – The unsung hero. The best performer in the office but never claims credit for his work. Stays an unsung hero for all his life. Girls take him for an snobbish nerd.

Shakuni – The evil plotter. Copies management in every mail. Escalates every trivial issue, sometimes to take credits and sometimes purely for fun

Dhristadyumna – The One inning wonder. The one who performs an extraordinary feat, and then basks in the glory of it for the rest of his life.

Draupadi – The shared resource. Keeps hopping projects on boss's advice

Krishna – The Ultimate Boss (PM/CTO/CEO) who knows that it is his game while he makes everyone believe that they are playing important roles too

How many Mahabharata characters like these have you seen in your office?



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 "थक गया हूँ तेरी नौकरी से ऐ जिन्दगी
मुनासिब होगा मेरा हिसाब कर दे...!!"

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

भरी जेब ने ' दुनिया ' की पहेचान करवाई और खाली जेब ने ' इन्सानो ' की.

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

जब लगे पैसा कमाने, तो समझ आया,
शौक तो मां-बाप के पैसों से पुरे होते थे,
अपने पैसों से तो सिर्फ जरूरतें पुरी होती है।

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

कुछ सही तो कुछ खराब कहते हैं,
लोग हमें बिगड़ा हुआ नवाब कहते हैं,

हम तो बदनाम हुए कुछ इस कदर,
की पानी भी पियें तो लोग शराब कहते हैं...!!!

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

माचिस की ज़रूरत यहाँ नहीं पड़ती,
यहाँ आदमी आदमी से जलता है..

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

दुनिया के बड़े से बड़े साइंटिस्ट ये ढूँढ रहे है की मंगल ग्रह पर जीवन है या नहीं

पर आदमी ये नहीं ढूँढ रहा कि जीवन में मंगल है या नही..

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

ज़िन्दगी में ना ज़ाने कौनसी बात "आख़री" होगी,
ना ज़ाने कौनसी रात "आख़री" होगी..

मिलते, जुलते, बातें करते रहो यार एक दूसरे से,

ना जाने कौनसी "मुलाक़ात" आख़री होगी..

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

अगर जींदगी मे कुछ पाना हो तो
तरीके बदलो, ईरादे नही..

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

ग़ालिब ने खूब कहा है..:

ऐ चाँद तू किस मजहब का है
ईद भी तेरी और करवाचौथ भी तेरा..

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

भगवान से वरदान माँगा
कि दुश्मनों से
पीछा छुड़वा दो,
अचानक दोस्त
कम हो गए...

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

" जितनी भीड़ ,
बढ़ रही
ज़माने में..।
लोग उतनें ही,
अकेले होते
जा रहे हे...।।।

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

इस दुनिया के
लोग भी कितने
अजीब है ना ;

सारे खिलौने
छोड़ कर
जज़बातों से
खेलते हैं...

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

किनारे पर तैरने वाली
लाश को देखकर
ये समझ आया...
बोझ शरीर का नही
साँसों का था....

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

दोस्तो के साथ
जीने का इक मौका
दे दे ऐ खुदा...
तेरे साथ तो
हम मरने के बाद
भी रह लेंगे....

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

"तारीख हज़ार
साल में बस इतनी
सी बदली है…
तब दौर
पत्थर का था
अब लोग
पत्थर के हैं..."

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●

हम वक्त और
हालात के
साथ 'शौक'
बदलते हैं,,
दोस्त नही ... !!

º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●º•○●
जिंदगी और भी मज़ेदार होती,

अगर दुःख ''Made in China'' होते..😀



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एक मारवाड़ी की श्री गणेश स्तुति....

🙏 गणपति बप्पा मोरिया 🙏
👎 धंधा नही हो रिया 👎
🚛 माल नही जा रिया 🚛
💰 पिसा कोनी आ रिया 💰
🍱 खर्चो कईया चालसी 🍱
🙇 समझ कोनी आ रिया 🙇
🙏 हे बप्पा मोरिया 🙏
😢 भगत थारा रो रिया 😢
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂



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💥 🐔 Ziddi Murga 🐔💥

एक मुर्गा 🐓था..
बहुत जिद्दी था...

अपने मालिक को बहुत
परेशान करता था....

मालिक ने तंग आकर एक दिन
उसे एक टोकरी मे बंद
कर दिया....

पर मुर्गा 🐓 तो जिद्दी था...
पीछे से निकल गया....

मालिक को फिर गुस्सा आया...
इस बार उसने मुर्गे 🐓 को
पिंजरे मे बंद कर दिया.....

पर मुर्गा 🐓 तो जिद्दी था..
फिर पीछे से निकल गया....

मालिक को इतना गुस्सा आया
कि उसने मुर्गे 🐓 को मारा,
पकाया और खा गया....

पर मुर्गा 🐔 तो जिद्दी था....😜😜😜



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 Dear All,
It's in India - Karnataka - Bangalore
A 10 year old boy, had eaten pineapple about 15 days back, and fell sick, from the day he had eaten. Later when he had his Health check done...... doctors diagnosed that he had AIDS.
His parents couldn't believe it...Then the entire family under went a checkup... none of them suffered from Aids. So the doctors checked again with the boy if he had eaten out.....The boy said 'Yes'. He had pineapple that evening. Immediately a group from the hospital went to the pineapple vendor to check. They found the pineapple seller had a cut on his finger while cutting the pineapple; his blood had spread into the fruit.
When they had his blood checked...the guy was suffering from AIDS...but he himself was NOT aware. Unfortunately the boy is now suffering from it.
Please take care while u eat on the road side (particularly tasty Vadapav & Paani Puri) and pls fwd this mail to your dear one's..
Take Care
Please Forward This Mail To All The Persons You Know As Your Message May Save One's life...।

Dr Hardik Shah,
CMO, Civil Hospital
Mumbai
This message is from a group of Doctors in India:
(forwarded in public interest)



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Very sexy story.....

1 badshah apne
sipahiyo ke sath ek
talab par nahane ke
liye gaya

waha
kuch ladkiya pehle se
naha rahi thi

badshah ki sawari
aate dekh wo sari
bahar aa gayi

unme
se ek ladki
badshah ko pasand
aa gayi..!!

Badshah apne mahel
wapas
aaya, lekin badshah ki
nazro ke
samne bar bar usi
ladki ki surat aa
rahi thi,

uska mann
kisi kaam me
nahi lag raha tha,

raat hui .....

sari raat
badshah usi ladki ke
bare me sochta
raha,

subah usne
apne sipahiyo ko
hukm diya
"jao pata
karo wo ladki
kaha rehti
hai",

sipahiyo ne pata
lagaya,

Uss ladki ka baap
sunaar tha,

badshah ne sunaar
ko darbar me
bulaya.

4 din guzarne k baad
bhi sunar
badshah k darbar me
nahi
aya,

badshah ne
dubara bulawa
bheja,

is bar 8 din
guzar gaye wo
nahi aaya,

badshah ko
gussa aa gaya
aur usne sunar ko
giraftar karne k
liye Sipahi bheje.

Jab woh Sunar k ghar
pahuche to
ghar ko Tala laga hua
tha,

Badshah ne Sipahiyon
ko Hukm diya
ki Sunaar ko dhundo.

Sipahiyo ne sunar ko
har jagah
dhunda lekin wo unko
kahi nhi mila.

Fir unhone ek tarkeeb
nikali aur
ailaan kiya ke jo bhi
sunaar ko
dhundne me madat
karega use 1kg
sona diya jayega.

ek
hafta guzar
gaya,
Fir bhi sunaar nahi
mila.

Fir ailaan kiya gaya ki
jo bhi sunaar
ko chupne me madat
karega use
sooli pe chadaya
jayega.

aur ek hafta
guzar gaya,
Fir bhi sunaar nahi
mila.

Fir 1 mahina guzar
gya fir bhi sunar
nhi mila

Fir raja ne ailaan kiya
ki agar sunar
nhi mila toh woh pure
rajya ko saja

dega fir bhi sunar
nahi mila.

Aakhir mei raja ne
aas paas ke kahi
rajyo ke raja o se
madat maangi,

Unhone bhi sunar ko
apne apne
rajya mei dhoonda fir
sunar nhi
mila.

Badshah mayus ho
gaya,

ek din
badshah ne ek sapna
dekha sapne
me usi taalab ko
dekha aur sapne
me hi daud kar us
taalab ke pas
gaya lekin waha bhi
koi nahi
tha,

udas hokar jab
piche palta to ek
gyani baba nazar
aaye unhone nadi
ko lag kar ek jhopde
ki taraf ishara
kiya aur kaha "tujhe
jiski talash hai
wo wahi hai",

badshah
chaunk kar
nind se utha aur apne
sipahiyo ko
lekar us talab ke pas
gaya,

waha wo
sapne wala jhopda
use nazar
aaya,

badshah khush
ho gaya, aur jab
jhopde me ghusa to
ek ladki aur aur
ek boodha aadmi
nazar aaye,

lekin
wo ladki badsurat thi
aur uska baap
bhikhari tha.

Ab bhi sunar nahi
mila,

Aakhir kar tang aakar
badshah ne
apne sipahiyo ko
Nakara karar diya
aur case CBI ko
saunp diya,

Phir bhi SUNAR nahi
MILA,

Aur aakhir Raja
ka,
uske siphaiyon
ka,
dusre rajya walo
ka
aur CBI walo
ka Sunar ko dhundne
me sara Waqt
aise barbad hua
jaise
Aap ka is
message ko padhne
me hua...
@

jis ka koi matlab nahi.

Hasna mat, mere
sath bhi aisa hua
tha..!!

kisi aur ko bhej ke
badla le lo!

Sunar mil jae to bata
dena ......

uski
ladki bahut khubsurat
hai ..!