ghatiya chatiya jokes with puzzle

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Two Wives chatting in office :

Wife 1 : I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins.

How was yours?

Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing!

My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.

When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work

Husband 1 : How was your evening?

Husband 2 : Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep.

And what about you?

Husband 1 : It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill. So I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto.

We walked home which took an hour & when we got home, I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house .

MORAL : PRESENTATION DOES MATTER......
NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS
  

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Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega. Friend2: Kyu? Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai Battery Low ab tak 56 battery badal chuka hoon!
  

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Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do. Saheb: Kal aana. Kal Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.
  

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 Shaadi ke doosre din beti apni maa se: Meri unse ladai ho gayi! Maa: Shadi mein jhagde toh hote rehte hai fikar mat karo. Beti: Woh toh thik hai par ab  LAASH  ka kya karu?
  

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SARDAR : Yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya du? 2ND : Gold ring de de. 1ST : koi badi cheez bata. 2ND : M.R.F ka tyre de de.
  

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 Wife: Btao Tumhe Main Kitni Achchi Lagti Hoon Husband : Bahut Zyada Wife : Phir Bhi Kitni Husbnd : Itni Ki Dil Chahta Hai Tumhari Jaisi 1 Aur Le Aaun.
  

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SANTA Apne Dost Se: Tera Bhai AajKal Kya Kar Rha He? BANTA: 1 Dukan Kholi Thi, Par ab Jail Me He. SANTA : Wo Kyu? BANTA: Dukan HATHODE Se Kholi Thi.
  

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Ek aadmi ne 98.3 FM Radio pe phone kiya

Man : Mujhe S.G. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash. . .ek Credit Card aur Pallavi Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.

Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge. . ???

Man : Nahi!!

......Main chahta hu ki Pallavi Mishra ke liye ek Dard bhara SONG ho jaaye...
  

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 Inspirational SMS Diary - Always take extra care of 3 things in life. Promise,friendship and love. Because they do not make noise but when they break they create silence.

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 पति : कहाँ गयी थी??

पत्नी : Blood donate karne..

पति : जब तक मेरा खून पीती थी तब तक तो ठीक था, अब उसे बेचने भी लगी?
😆
BANTA to girl: "Aao SOHNIYO saade DIL de Ander langh aao".

Girl: "JUTTI lahvan".

BANTA: "Naa ji, aive hi langh aao. Assi kehra AKHAND-PAATH rakheya hai..!
Men will Remain Men


  

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 Best message received; after a long time.

If you have
Food in your fridge,
Clothes on your body,
A roof over your head and
A place 2 sleep,
You're richer than 75% of the entire world.
...........
If you have
Money in your wallet,
A little change,
And Can go anywhere you want
You are among the top 18% of the world's wealthy
people.
..............
If you are alive today with more health than illness,
You are more blessed than the million people
who will not survive this week and die.
..............
If you can actually 'READ' this message
and understand it,
You are more fortunate than the 3 billion people in the
world who cannot see,
cannot read or suffer mental retardation.
..............
Life is not about complaining pain and sorrows.
It's about a thousand other reasons to Thank our
Creator!!!
Happy Living 
🔆🌱🔆🌱🔆.
  

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 एक    हवाई जहाज 💭 आसमान की ऊंचाइयों में उड रहा था

कि अचानक अपना 🚟 संतुलन खोकर इधर उधर 🚡 लहराने लगा

सभी 👪 यात्री 👬👭 अपनी मृत्यु को समीप जान डर के मारे चीखने चिल्लाने लगे

सिवाय एक  बच्ची के जो मुस्कुराते हुए चुपचाप 🎭 खिलोने से खेल रही थी

कुछ देर बाद  हवाई जहाज सकुशल, सुरक्षित उतरा और 👪 यात्रियों 👭👬 ने राहत की साँस ली

एक  यात्री ने उत्सुकतावश उस  बच्ची से पूछा-

 बेटा हम सभी डर के मारे काँप रहे थे पर तुमको डर नहीं लग रहा था
ऐसा क्यों ?

 बच्ची ने जवाब दिया-

"क्योंकि इस 🚁 प्लेन के पायलट मेरे  पापा हैं

 मैं जानती थी कि  वो मुझे कुछ नहीं होने देंगे

 मित्रो, ठीक इसी तरह का विश्वास हमे एडमिन पर होना चाहिये 

 परिस्थितियाँ चाहे कितनी ही विपरीत हो जाऐं

पर एक ना एक दिन

 एडमिन पार्टी जरूर देगा 

🍹🍇
🍫🍷🍕
HAPPY ADMIN DAY
  

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 लड़का गूगल पर लिखता है- हाउ टू इम्प्रेस ए गर्ल इफ
वीक इन इंग्लिश??
गूगल का जवाब- Patel सुधरी जा, तू खेतिज कर ले
छोरी पटाने मे कई फायदों नी है. खेत बिकी
जाएगा इनि चक्कर में , नी जूता पड़ेगा वि अलग ।😛
  

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 This is a funny collection
...............

Wife: Phone pe itni dheemi awaaz mein kis se baat kar rahe ho?

Husband: Bahen hai..!

Wife: To fir itni dhimi aawaz me kis liye?

Husband: Teri hai isiliye 

WIFE: Suno ji, agar tumhaare baal isi raftaar se jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!!

Pati: He BHAGWAN, aur main paagal inko bachaane ki koshish kar rahaa thaa......



Wife: Tum Saari Dunya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi......

Husband: Tum Kya SamjhTi Ho? Mein Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon Ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi..

😆😀
Serious Joke of the Day..

Height of Cost Cutting:

Sardar ne ghar ke upar wale hisse mai paint kiya aur baaki bache hisse mai likh diya,
"Same as Above"...........!!!!
😀
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Taxiwala:-
"Saheb Break fail ho gayi hai, Gaadi rukti nahi,  kya karu?"
Gujrati Passenger :- "PEHLE TU METER BAND KAR.!" 
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Why Hindu Law doesn't permit second marriage?
Answer:- Indian Constitution article 20(2) says: "No human can be punished twice for the same offence

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Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat b lelo, yeh shohrat bhi lelo..
..Suddenly Santa stands up& says- Main toh bahut pareshan hun,meri toh aurat b lelo...
😛
  

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 MALE LOGIC😎😋

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: Rs. 300 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs Rs. 300 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at Rs. 27,000. In one year, it would be approximately Rs. 3,24,000 …correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend Rs. 3,24,00 , not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at Rs. 64,80,000 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?
..
Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

          
            
  

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The only crush left in life, after getting Married is

'Candy Crush' 😆😆
  

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 अध्यापक: कौन सा पक्षी सबसे तेज़ उड़ता है?

छात्र: सर... हाथी.

अध्यापक: नालायक !!
तेरा बाप क्या करता है?

छात्र: छोटा राजन के गैंग में शूटर है.

अध्यापक: शाबाश !! सही जवाब.
बच्चों, लिखो हाथी..

